For The Things That Are Still With You.
Some experiences don’t stay where they happened. They live in the way you react, in the tightness in your chest before a difficult conversation, or in the part of you that can’t rest without guilt. You’ve probably tried to understand it and maybe you do, and yet it is still there. EMDR, one of the most researched therapies for trauma, can be used for these types of situations.
When the Past Doesn’t Stay in the Past
Your brain is wired to heal, and under normal circumstances it processes difficult experiences and files them away as something that happened rather than something that is still happening. But when an experience is overwhelming enough, that process breaks down. Think of it like a corrupted file on a computer where you can see the file and you know it’s there, but it won’t open correctly and it’s quietly affecting how the whole system runs. You can’t think your way out of the corrupted file, which is exactly why understanding the problem doesn’t always fix it.
Example One:
Imagine someone who receives a single piece of critical feedback from their boss during an otherwise positive review. The immediate thought is “I’m a failure,” and from that moment on they’re consumed by it. They start staying late to over compensate, avoid their boss, replay the conversation obsessively, and live in a constant state of worry and hyperarousal even though nothing about their job has actually changed. In working together, what we find underneath is that as a child, bringing home a bad grade would bring a look of unmistakable disappointment from their parents. That moment got frozen, and that one comment from a boss didn’t just land as feedback. It landed on top of every one of those earlier moments, and the nervous system responded to all of them at once.
Example Two:
You might recognize someone who simply cannot stop. The mental to-do list never quiets, rest feels like betrayal and guilt, and saying no feels impossible. The thoughts running underneath sound something like: if I stop, nothing will get done; if I rest, I’m failing the people who are counting on me; if I slow down, something is going to fall apart. So they keep going, overextending themselves, feeling guilty any time they try to do something for themselves, running on empty and wondering why they can’t just relax. In working together, what we find underneath is that from a very young age, they became the emotional anchor for the people around them, carrying responsibilities that were never theirs to carry until their nervous system learned that stopping simply wasn’t safe. It never received the update that it doesn’t have to operate that way anymore.
These aren’t character flaws. They’re not a lack of time management, poor performance, or laziness— they’re adaptations that made complete sense at the time. EMDR is one of the most effective tools that helps the brain update them.
How EMDR Works
EMDR uses bilateral stimulation, like a visual moving back and forth, alternating sounds, or tapping, to help the brain finish processing that file that became corrupted. Think of EMDR as the program that repairs the file so it can be moved out of active memory and stored where it belongs, so it’s no longer affecting the whole operating system. You hold a specific memory or experience in mind while the bilateral stimulation assists the brain in reprocessing it, and over time, that memory becomes something that happened in the past and loses that charged, automatic response. Your nervous system is no longer responding to the memory as if it is currently happening.
What I Use EMDR For
As an EMDR therapist in Palm Desert and online throughout California and Utah, I use EMDR as the foundation of my work with high-performing women across a range of experiences. Learn more about how it applies to what you’re carrying:
Burnout
Anxiety
Chronic Stress
Life Transitions
Trauma
You don’t have to have it figured out to reach out.
The free consultation is 15 minutes where we have an honest conversation about where you are and whether working together makes sense, and if I’m not the right therapist for you, I’ll tell you that and do my best to point you to someone who is.
FAQs
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Candidacy for EMDR is something I assess thoroughly in our early sessions before any processing begins, so I can’t give you a definitive answer until we’ve had a chance to talk and I’ve collected a full picture of where you are. That said, generally speaking, good candidates for EMDR tend to have a nervous system that is stable enough to tolerate visiting difficult material without becoming overwhelmed, are not currently in acute crisis, are not experiencing chronic dissociation, have no recent psychiatric hospitalizations, are medically stable, and are genuinely willing to engage with difficult material rather than just talk around it. One important note: EMDR is not appropriate for clients currently using barbiturates, as these interfere with the brain’s ability to reprocess. If you’re unsure whether any of this applies to you, the free 15-minute consultation is the right place to start that conversation.
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Both session lengths include the same core structure, but the 85-minute session gives us significantly more time in active processing, which means more meaningful movement each time we meet and often fewer sessions overall. For new clients especially, I recommend starting with 85-minute sessions because the early work involves building rapport, collecting your history, and developing internal resources before any processing begins, and trying to do all of that in 50 minutes can feel rushed. Ultimately the choice is yours, and we can discuss what makes the most sense for your schedule and needs during our initial consult.
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No. EMDR does not erase memories and nothing gets deleted. The event still happened and you will still be able to recall it. What changes is the emotional charge attached to the memory, so that it feels like something that happened in the past rather than something your nervous system is still actively living through. Think of it this way: the corrupted file gets repaired, not deleted. It just stops affecting the whole system.
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You are completely awake, aware, and in control throughout every session. EMDR is not hypnosis and you are never in a trance. You know exactly where you are, you can hear everything happening around you, and you can slow down or stop at any point. The bilateral stimulation, whether that’s sounds, a visual moving on screen, or tapping, is simply a tool that helps your brain access and reprocess difficult material while you remain grounded in the present. You are in the driver’s seat the entire time.
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The honest answer is that researchers are still actively studying exactly why EMDR works at a neurobiological level, and I think being upfront about that matters. What we do know is that the brain has a natural processing system designed to take difficult experiences and integrate them adaptively so you can move forward. When that system gets disrupted by something overwhelming, memories get stored in a way that keeps them emotionally charged and unresolved. EMDR, using bilateral stimulation, appears to re-engage that natural processing system and help the brain do what it was always trying to do. It works, and more than 30 randomized controlled trials confirm that. The exact biological pathway is still being studied, and that’s okay. We don’t fully understand why aspirin reduces fever either, and it still works.
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This is one of the most important questions I get, and the answer starts with redefining what trauma actually is. Most people think trauma has to be a dramatic, life-altering event, but that’s not the full picture. Trauma can also be the accumulation of smaller experiences that quietly shaped the way you see yourself and the world: growing up in a home where emotions weren’t safe to express, being the kid who learned that love was earned rather than given, carrying responsibilities that were never yours to carry, or simply absorbing the message over and over again that your needs came last. These experiences may not look like “trauma” from the outside, but they get stored in the nervous system the same way. So when burnout, anxiety, or chronic stress feels impossible to shake despite everything you’ve tried, it’s often because the root of it isn’t a productivity problem or a mindset issue. It’s something older, something that got stuck, and that’s exactly what EMDR is built to reach.
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Every client is different, and I’ll always be honest with you about what to expect rather than overpromise. Some clients start to notice things shifting within 2 to 4 reprocessing sessions, while others take considerably longer depending on what we’re targeting and how deep a particular belief or pattern runs. The early sessions focus on history taking, building rapport, and developing your internal resources before we move into processing, so results from reprocessing itself come after that foundation is in place. What I can tell you is that we evaluate progress as we go and I’ll always be transparent with you about where we are and what to expect next.